i nv noe...

i thought i know, i thought i knew everything n i thought...

it was only when i read thru my bro's blog when i learned abt how my grandma breathed her last, the day which i'll nv forget nor will i forgive myself.the greatest regret tat i had was not being able to accompany her thru out her 'final journey", all simply due to my playfulness at the age of 12.yes, i miss her =(
the way she made her way up the flight of stairs opp my unit despite walking difficulties due to her size n age, happily with sheets of $50 notes to gif to us whenever she struck lottery.
the way she shielded mi from flying soup scoop n wooden canes.
the way she passed mi the remote control to the tv to watch my fav shows whenever my dad refuses to let mi do so.
the way she talked bt how i fell on her tummy the nite when she gave mi the queen sized bed to flip n toss, while she slept on the floor with a thin mattress.
whenever i tink of her n the past n the day[01/05/99] she passed away, emotions overwhelmed mi.if she is still here, i will still wan to watch tv with her, sleep with her in her room everinite, tok to her, hlp her buy stuff tat she needs n all!i simply miss her =(

i thought by letting u go, u'll b happier.i dunno if u r but i c dramastic changes in u.i've found my happiness n i hope u do too.apologies fer the hurt i've caused.i nv meant to.

the way u hugged mi tight to ur warm body, the way u lifted up my face, the tone n way u speak to mi with every word sounding so simple yet touching, i felt guilt-stricken deeply.i thought u nv cared, but u actually did, silently.i apologise fer my selfishness, my unreasonable attitude,my petty-ness, my self centered-ness n everithing.i dun mean to.i thought i had known far well than others tat u aren't gd at expressing urself but yet im the one hu misunderstand u most.i cant feel ani worse.darling, i lurve u n i realli do!thanks so much fer alwaes being there, silently, which i thought u were not.lurve u alot n ONLY u!!!muacks!!thanks dear!!i promise to treat u bettter k?heh heh, belive mi la......muacks!

u r the reason my heart goes on. < 3 hanliang